A decision...

to blog about it. About the loss of a baby. Why? Why now?

I found this quote and it makes me cry,
"An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth.
Then whispered as she closed the book, "too beautiful for earth."~author unknown

I've decided to be open about the loss of our baby for many reasons. First, I feel very strongly that the baby we lost was a life that deserves to be acknowledged, to be known, to never be forgotten. For 9 short weeks, I carried a baby I will never meet, never hold, never kiss, never cuddle, never know whether it was a boy or a girl. 9 weeks may seem like a short time and in fact it was too short. However, in that short amount of time, we fell deeply in love with our little one. We had hopes and dreams for him or her. We dreamed of how Lauren would react when we told her she was going to be a big sister. We dreamed so many things and those dreams all came crashing down very unexpectedly. What was supposed to be one of life's happiest moments...when you see your healthy baby on an ultrasound, turned out to be our most difficult day. To hear my OB say, "I'm very, very sorry Mindy but your baby has stopped growing and doesn't have a heartbeat." Those were words I never expected, words no parent should ever have to endure.

So what are my other reasons for being open about our loss? Because my OB said that 1 out of every 6 clinically-diagnosed pregnancies will end in miscarriage. Because when our "options" were explained to us, I didn't know of anyone I could call who had been through this, who could understand and tell me what they chose and how they handled it emotionally. I do not want any of our friends or family members to one day be faced with the loss of a pregnancy. But if YOU, my friends and family members who may be reading this, are ever faced with this, then please know that Chad and I have gone through it and you can talk about it with us. We are being open about it because maybe we will be able to provide support in the future if this happens to someone else close to us.

How are we doing now? Well, physically, I've healed and am doing well. I still go to the doctor bi-weekly for bloodwork to ensure that my HCG levels are dropping. It is SO hard to go in to the OB's office and sit in the waiting room among women who are obviously pregnant and know I'm there because I'm not anymore. It's heartbreaking all over again every time I go in there. I think Chad is keeping himself busy with helping me and with putting the finishing touches on our house. He is a self-described "fixer". He likes to have control and to "fix" things that need fixing. He has struggled with the inability to fix this situation and is taking one day at a time right alongside me.

Emotionally, I think we're doing okkaaaaayy. I say that with hesitation. Yesterday was very difficult for me. Yesterday, I would have been 12 weeks along. I had envisioned telling my co-workers and friends yesterday. Instead, I'm sharing my news that we lost a baby so that we might provide someone else with some comfort in the future if (and statistics say WHEN) they may be faced with this themselves one day. We went to a support group at the hospital this week that was really helpful. It's a club nobody ever wants to belong to, but it does provide a lot of comfort and understanding from others who are facing similar heartbreaking situations.

I think I'll end here for now. This has been helpful just to put some of my thoughts onto paper. Thank you for "listening". If you want to see pics of the house we're moving into in less than a month, scroll down. I updated with more pictures last night.
~M

The countdown begins...

The house will become ours on October 12! As of right now, we plan on moving in the weekend of October 23. We want a few weeks to finish up painting, crown moulding, etc.I'm hoping the red door becomes a little darker with a few more coats of paint. Chad will be installing a stone tile backsplash in the kitchen this weekend or next.Floors began to be installed on the first floor today.Loving the new countertop :)
Master bathroom. Even though we won't move in until later in October, I plan on taking baths there beginning the 12th!! Can't wait!

Lauren's bathrooom. Her bathroom will be a Finding Nemo theme. The base colors will be painted tomorrow and I'll be attempting to paint murals on the walls next weekend. Stay tuned...

A Quick Update-

Lauren has developed a love for trains, so we took her to The Elegant Farmer on Labor Day for a train ride to a train museum, on an historic electric railroad. She loved it! Last Sunday, we drove over to visit my parents and attend one of my Dad's games. Lauren LOVES going to Boppa's baseball games. I think this is why...

Going out to run the bases with Boppa.What a girly girl :)

In house news, we've been told we should be in by early/mid-October. Woohoo!

This picture was taken before they put the crown moulding on top of the cabinets.

This is the guest bathroom. Chad did the tile floor a few weeks ago.

This is Lauren's bathroom. Chad did this floor too. Double sinks are in the first part of the bathroom. Then you go through another door into a tub/shower & toilet room.

Tonight, when I told Lauren we had to leave and go back to the apartment, she went and stood in the corner of her new bedroom and told me she wasn't leaving.

Master bathroom is coming along.

The exterior got painted today. Still waiting on all of the columns to be installed on the front porch.

We can't wait :)

~M, C, & L

More Summer Fun!

We went to visit Chad's parents last weekend down in Indianapolis.  Lauren loved spending some time with her Mimi and Boppa Steighner.  She loved playing "football" as she called it, with Boppa and blowing bubbles with Mimi.

I thought I'd try to take a few pictures at one of Lauren's swimming lessons.  She is in a toddler class with two other kids.  Here, there was a new teacher training, so they had two teachers that night.  Lauren wears her goggles the whole tiem and swims under water for about 8 feet now.  In this next picture, she is floating unassisted.  She didn't get that ability from me!! 

"Ta da!  Here's my new bedroom!"

Above is the great room on the right (behind the pillar) and Lauren's playroom on the other side of the arch.  The basement stairs are on the left and you can just barely see where the tall kitchen counter will be for barstools on the left.  Below is a view of the kitchen and dinette, taken from standing in front of the fireplace. 

Looking through the arch to the great room, taken from Lauren's playroom.

My summer is (sadly) drawing to a close.  I have two days off next week and three days the following week but then it's back to working full-time  :-( 

Have a great weekend!

Love,

M, C, & L

Quick pics....

I love this picture of Lauren and Westin.  Too cute :)

The siding is up but still needs to be painted.  It'll be a cream color with a lighter trim.

Garage doors were installed today and they begin working on the drywall this week!

Love,

M, C, & L

Videos!

Ready for kindergarten??  Not quite yet~

See my litte Bon Jovi below :)

Finally a Video!

Lauren's version of my favorite song...Boppa Lucas, we thought you'd love this one :)